What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 01:40
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Comes on , in middle age.
We were not on the streets..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What are the most extreme examples of hypocrisy?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Have you ever witnessed a remote beach show where hundreds of turtles crawling to the water?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What are the most meaningful Jewish jokes that reveal insights about Jewish culture?
He knew the spot.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She loved him until the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
How was cancer treatment different in the US and the UK?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So, i spoilt her more .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
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As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I could never make a relationship work though!
What is the irony of life according to you?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She found it foreign!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I couldn’t, believe it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What do people aim for when they meditate, and how do they do it properly?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And i lived it daily.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She wouldn,t have been !
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My family never makes their pension either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was very sick at this time too.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Who then, do I blame.?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One cannot live in the past .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was 9 years of age.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My life is so biszare .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It was going to be , some day.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We all went to grammer schools
(And it was in our own minds.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was in good health!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I will be 64.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Put me off passion for life!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was seconnd youngest,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
This is soul school!.
I have no regrets .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I think the readers, may guess!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I waited trembling.
Ive learnt so much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But it wasn’t much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
All the time i was locked up.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I write beautiful poetry .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She married twice! .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Would this be the day?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I said to her
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What did i know ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im still living with it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So whats the point in blame.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But, we were locked up after school.